How I Got a Life
by Amme Productions
Summary: My brains messed up idea of Barney's path to meetring the gang. As a 22- year old blonde, uneducated, heartbroken kid its not exactly easy to get to the top. But hey a Secretary can turn a bosses head, why not the corporation? Not Romance, slightly AU, mainly character development and a legen-wait-for-it-dary back story. on HIATUS


Disclaimer: I own nothing but my big ol' messed up ideas brain.

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Barney stormed out of the coffee shop on that fateful day that Sharon dumped him with a heavy heart and tearful eyes. It just wasn't fair, he was way better than that dude, Just because he had a lower paying job and not as much experience and ... Oh who was he kidding he didn't even have a degree, she deserved a provider. Thats they way it had always been. Big and strong gets the girl and spreads his good ol' traits to a bunch of victory babies. Evolution 101. Barney threw himself on a bus bench with a frustrated growl. He didn't even have the peace corp now, no way they'd give a second shot. No job, No girlfriend, No Nothing. What would that nasty winner do? Well he would look at me and think something along the lines "Nice, devastated dumped blonde, jobless lonely, probably do anything for some nice words and a secretary job." The brooding blonde growled. A bad day and his integrity was gone too. What use are Mad Men thoughts when your sitting on a bench in So Ho. No power, Not Even The Power Behind The Power!

Suddenly the depressed man sat a little straighter. He was a blonde, hopeless uneducated kid in New York. But he did have some advantages, two really. Since he was a child he was always great actor, even shot an unaired pilot for some show about a kid doctor, not to mention all the magic shows. And what was lying but acting off a stage? Also who knows more about corruption in big business than a Hippie! Same concept of getting Bible knowledge bitch-slapped by an atheist. For the first time in his life Barney Stinson gave the world an evil smile.

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It didn't take very long for him to find a job as a secretary at one of the big old New York headquarters. Some company that put the fuzz on tennis balls or something like that. The place hired him the second they saw the little M under his name. Apparently the place was being sued for major discrimination and sexual harassment issues and needed some guys to counteract the 100:1 ratio of women to men in subjugated positions. It was slow at first just working on the third floor with all the low level lawyers that could only really pout about not getting their own sex toy. He had changed appearances some what to get his job. Out with tie-die and in with dress shirts and sweaters. He wanted a suit but would never go for a cheap one. When he finally got one he was going to do it right. He had cut his hair and let it go back to its natural if annoying state of being curly.

It was the second month before he got any recognition or a promotion.

Its was a regular Tuesday, and Barney was sitting behind his desk, playing online poker, sending emails every 10 minutes, lazily waiting for lunch. It was without warning that a Japanese man stormed in rapidly shouting out profanity and who-knows-what in his native language. The man stalked up to Arlington, one of lawyers and started yelling. Barney quickly stood up and moved toward the two men. With a small smile and the tone of voice one would use when talking to a kid having a tantrum Barney slid between the quarling couple and spoke.

"Sir, I'm afraid you need an appointment to disturb our employees. Have you gone through the proper channels?" In rough english, made worse by angry panting the man glared. "Listen Queer! I don't got to do SHIT! This man screwed me over, along with business and Daughter!" "Be that as it may I'm afraid this is a workplace and we have rules to make sure that work is accomplished." The mans face screwed up strangely at the last statement. "So I'm stopping you from ruining other peoples life's then? Because thats all this Company works at!" The man stalked away and sat on top of the nearest desk belonging to some random law guy.

Barney tried again. "Sir, If you don't comply to the rules of this workplace I'm afraid I am going to have to call the police." The man face switched from a glare to one of taunting. "You can't," he declared, "My sister is a diplomat I have immunity and Trust me the whole family is pissed at this man." Barney sneered at this. "The police don't know that, I think that I heard you have ammunition on a diplomat. And who is crazier than a terrorist." With quick strides he was at a phone. With a triumphant smirk he said "It's your call."

The Jap sneered and turned and left. It was just the normal crowd. With the exception of one slow clapping executive. James was very impressed. He could understand the appeal of a secretary after that show. It didn't hurt that the kid was cute.

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First Chapter not so great :\ But this idea came to me and wouldn't stop until I typed it up. To be Continued


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